the school year has started

Clearly, I am teaching once again as I have been neglecting the blog. Photos soon of the trip with mom and dad to New Hampshire and Maine.

happiness

Happy moment No. 1: One of my students told me that my eyelashes are really long. I said thank you. :D Looks like the super-expensive mascara purchase was worth it!

Happy moment No. 2: I had three really great meditation sessions with my students today, thanks to technology that actually cooperated. Hooray!

Happy moment No. 3: Successfully applied (and went out in public with!) eyeliner for the very first time. I know. I am too old not to have worn eyeliner before. But hey. It's never too late. Plus, it was for dinner at a semi-nice place. Another hooray!

lobster stock

A couple of weeks ago, Shaw's had chicken lobsters for $4.99 a pound, so I ended up buying two and having them for dinner two nights in a row. :) They were delicious. But what to do with the lobster shells? Christina, being the culinary whiz she is, suggested making lobster stock and using it in risotto, soups, etc. After a little searching, found two recipes (from La Bernadin cookbook and Gourmet magazine) and decided to meld them into one and tweak. I didn't have thyme, oregano or bay leaf and didn't feel like spending a fortune on herbs that I will use once, so I didn't add them. But I think the stock could be a lot better if I splurged and added them.

My apartment smelled incredible once the lobster was in the oven and I could smell it even building's hallways when I returned from a Trader Joe's run. Yum! (PS: I have no clue what happened to the font color.)

Chop up the lobster carcasses into smaller pieces. I found that using a hammer (with the shells in a bag so it doesn't fly everywhere) worked well and was quite satisfying. :) I also read in several places that I should bake the lobster carcasses at 450F for 15 minutes before I boil them, so I did. On this pan are the remains of two lobsters.

Two onions, diced large-ish. Two-thirds bag of celery, cut into two-inch pieces. Five slices of fresh ginger. Five cloves of garlic, sliced. Saute vegetables until they're soft in enough oil to cover the bottom of the stock pot. Add about half a cup of brandy (per La Bernadin). I didn't have brandy, so I borrowed my roommate's boyfriend's whiskey. Same difference?

I don't eat carrots; I think they're gross in every way. But I found that these things are palatable if smothered in enough garlic hummus to mask to the taste. Add them to your lobster stock after the 16 cups of water and the lobsters themselves.

Bring to a boil for a bit and then reduce heat to simmer for 1 1/2 hours. Strain and ladle into containers. Apparently, they'll keep for two months in the freezer.

Don't forget the salt and pepper!

makeup purchases

In my bid to beautify myself, I have purchases two items. One, Lancome Definicils waterproof mascara, which I have as a sample (from London ... I know, a long time ago) that I keep in the car as my emergency running-too-late-for-school-to put-on-makeup-at-home mascara. Basically, I can't believe I use it as emergency! It is the only mascara I've tried through the years that is practically fail-safe. I've never had clumps. It never goes on too thick. I only ever use one layer, and it lengthens my lashes to incredible lengths. :) Two, Urban Decay 24/7 black eyeliner. I am learning how to put on eyeliner properly. :)

writing quizzes and tests

I see myself as a hard, but fair, teacher. I don't test what I don't teach (and not necessarily vice versa). One thing that I'd discovered in teaching that is it incredibly stressful and frustrating to make quizzes and tests. Not only do I have to ask questions in a way to gauge actual knowledge (rather than rote memorization) through critical thinking (preferably), but also make sure it's an answerable question. Sure, I can be tricky in the phrasing of the question or the choice of answers, but to make a really good multiple choice question or to write a free response that will assess actual knowledge is quite hard.

And I especially dislike making the current events quizzes that I give every Monday. Because I know the amount of bitching and whining that is ensue. WTF, kids, read the paper. How hard can it be to scan the front page every day? Seriously. And it's only worth 5 points. Get over it. I'm just trying to make you form a habit so that you are not going to go out into the world as the most ignorant college student in the country.

Sorry. Is my frustration showing?

Iron Chef potluck!

Just before school started, Kai had the brilliant idea to have Iron Chef potlucks. There would be an ingredient each month and people would make a dish based on that ingredient. The host would make the entree. Last night was the first and the ingredient was apples. Appropriate, seeing as how it is apple season. I was to make an appetizer and settled on apple and Taiwanese sausage summer rolls after brainstorming with J. Christina. Of course, also called mom to ask how to make summer rolls in the first place. Pictures!

a salad with prosciutto, apples and arugula and a lime vinaigarette

Persian rice

a pork roast

flatbread pizza with apples, caramelized onions, chicken and goat cheese

my summer rolls!

apple-kiwi-grape white sangria

a good day

Had a good -- but exhausting -- day. I'm too tired to type in paragraph form, so I'll list them.

1. This is really yesterday, but mom told me a that Amy told her a compliment about me. yay! :)

2. A special ed teacher stopped me in the hall today and told me that one of our mutual students told her that he really likes me. yay! I've never had a student compliment me to another teacher before. :D

3. AND Christina told me that her mom paid me a compliment after I left Sunday. so triple yay! :D

Also, I somehow pulled off a lesson plan that I may or may not have planned in my head and was scrambling to prepare in the morning. Technology issues with my computer log-in that might have impacted PowerPoint, which led to me not only to Plan B, but ultimately to Plan C. Eeek. But it went better than expected, so I'm glad.

trip to Los Angeles

There are a few times in my life when I make impromptu decisions and twice when I booked impromptu plane tickets. Once for Budapest (in November!), another for London last year and two weeks ago for Los Angeles. The wildfires broke out a few days after I bought the tickets, of course, but it was a trip that needed to be taken for the sake of my emotional sanity. Sometimes, I just need to leave Boston.

Regretfully, I did not blog over Labor Day weekend, as Christina and I were too busy stuffing our faces. So I will leave the chronicling of food to her. I stayed for a night with Amy at her place and got to have tacos al pastor and horchata from La Taquiza. It was fantastic and everything I dreamed it would be.

I also got to hang out with Christine and Edward on Saturday! Christine and I had afternoon tea at the Scarlet Tea Room in Pasadena on Christina's recommendation. Oh, man. It was so elegant and the sandwiches were divine. I don't know if I can gush properly about the heaven that is its strawberries romanoff. Christina and I then headed to eat proper tamales before meeting up with Christine and Edward for dinner at the Good Girl Dinette. It was great to see old friends!

On Sunday, had a greasy food fest with James -- and his girlfriend Tari, who is really nice. They're so cute together! Pastrami and onion rings. Yum. I don't think I remember the last time I had either, and it felt sort of great to fall off the wagon ... for the entire weekend ... because this weekend was nothing but food.

Oh, and beautiful Victorian homes in Angeleno Heights.

sick ... and things my kids wrote

I have a giant splitting headache that developed a few hours ago along with waves of nausea. No good. No good at all. Especially when I'm getting on an airplane in less than 24 hours. Hopefully this will clear up soon.

I told my kids today to write down something that is uniquely them. It can be a hobby, an experience or a special talent. What makes them them? Here are some gems:

* I like starting fires with sticks.

* I am a Revolutionary War reenactor.

* I get a haircut once every two years.

* I never dot my i’s. (Yet this kid dotted the i in his name on his name tag. Go figure.)

* I feel out a two-story window when I was 4 .. and didn’t break a single bone.

* When I was in elementary school, I spent my recesses collecting ants with my friends and we brought them inside with straws with eraser caps on the ends.

* I play a video game that was released when I was 3 years old. And yet I still suck.

* When I was learning to walk, I would go even faster than my grandfather. But every so often, I would abruptly stop and, without bending my knees, fall down backward and hit my head on the ground.

* I was once run over by an Indian motorcycle/scooter.

* I sang and recorded a song that is soon to be on iTunes.

a new school year

I guess I keep hoping all summer that work will save me. School will keep me busy and save me from drowning in my emotions. It's worked, at least from 7:45 a.m. till 2:25 p.m. I'm so preoccupied with school, I have nothing else to think about. It's the time alone with myself -- especially the drive home -- that I feel most down. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.

Question of the day: Is it ever OK to truly dislike a student on the first day?

A little background is in order. A student of mine has a physical disability and requires a walker. I have known about this for awhile, but I really got to know the condition only in the last few days.

The student was late to class because of a confusion with his instructional aide, which was fine because I was expecting him. Of course, his classmates were unaware of all this and there were a few stares when he got to class. A girl kindly offered her desk so he can sit in the front and not have to negotiate the maze of desks to get to the back. As he was getting settled, a student who sat behind him started making snickering facial expressions to others across the aisle. I only saw the one student and didn't get a chance to glance over to see the recipient of these expressions.

I don't know how I should've reacted, but I don't think I should've reacted the way I did -- which is by not reacting at all. I didn't even give the other student a look. But I felt inner disgust at how he reacted to a physically disabled student.

Tomorrow, I give out my class expectations. On Thursday, we will get to know one another through various ice breakers. On Monday, I think, we will discuss what it means to have a respectful, safe learning environment.

the first day

As predicted, the first day was full of meetings -- three, in fact. The district-wide meeting was an hour and a half long, the department meeting was 45 minutes long, and the faculty meeting was an hour long. Shoot me. Shoot me now. I wonder if the dean saw me doing the crossword puzzle during the district-wide meeting.

I also got my packet of IEPs (individualized education plans) from my SPED (special education) liaison today. I've never worked with her before, and so far, I'm impressed with her initiative -- at least in getting information to Scott and me. Last year, it was well into the middle of September until I had even the first IEP in my hands and even then, the rest came in trickles. So a whole package with ALL the IEPs was a very, very nice surprise.

The IEPs themselves, however, was another story. I can't legally disclose what's all in it, but suffice it say, I feel overwhelmed already, and I don't even see the kids until tomorrow.

Where is the old me? Because I want her back. ASAP. Where is the me who is upbeat, positive (if realistic), clear-minded, confident and self-assured? When did I let school, other people and outside forces overwhelm me, depress me, loath me. When did I become the person who wallows, cries and covers my face with my hands in disgust at my actions and thoughts? Since when do I ever talk to myself in an empty car to psych myself up about life's events?

Who I am at this moment is not me, and I want the old me back.

a super weekend

So! The last weekend!

Pretty much spent Saturday glued to the TV, watching the Kennedy funeral and the wall-to-wall over-coverage of the man, the politician, the legacy. Thought his son's eulogy of him was quite touching.

For dinner, both Kai and I had cravings for greasy bar food, so she suggested The Lower Depths, at Kenmore, for tater tots and burgers. So good. Maybe it's because I haven't had a burger in so long, but the steakburger was amazing. It was juicy, cooked medium, toasted bun, with habanero aoli. Mmmmmm. I guess it's known for the tater tots (crispy. yum.) and beer selection, but I was there for the burger. Apparently, Kai and her fiance are regulars there, and the bartenders knew her on sight! So we chatted with the bartenders -- which I have never ever done in my entire life -- it was fun!

Nothing too special today. Woke up at noon (I know), watched "Planet Earth" on TV, Facebook, newspapers, the New York Times wedding section, the newspaper magazines. Good stuffs.

Tomorrow is the BIG DAY!

sitting at Panera on a Friday night

It's the last Friday before school starts, and I woke up at 1 p.m. today. Imagine that, on a usual Friday, I would have been done with teaching all my classes by this time. What this really means is that I need to return to my old sleeping habits. Remember those first days of summer when I still woke up at 5:30 in the morning? I need that part of my life back. ASAP. Or Monday is going to be absolute HELL (Let's not even think about what Tuesday might be like.).

So this is what I should've done with my Friday. I looked back at my week plan and saw that -- surprise! -- I didn't know what today was going to look like. I usually do. Again, summer has not been kind to me this year. What I needed and should've done was to go to school and continue with the organization. What I needed to do was to go to the Museum of Science and checked out that new documentary on India. What did I do instead? I bummed around the apartment, watched some dramas, ate instant mac-and-cheese and kimchi. Took a shower. Went to Panera.

In the last three and a half hours I've been sitting against the wall, I've been quite busy. This is what I did:

* watched the Ted Kennedy memorial service at the JFK Library.

* combed through my roster and e-mailed Scott a list of our students who are on IEPs

* entered students' names into my gradebook in Excel

* formatted and added formulas to the spreadsheet

* started on the seating chart

Tomorrow is the funeral for Ted Kennedy. The service is going to be at the Basilica of Our Lady of Perpetual Help in Roxbury. There are already crazy parking and traffic restrictions in place. Not that I will be going anywhere because it's going to POUR tomorrow, thanks to Tropical Storm Danny. Should be a lovely day. I imagine tomorrow is going to spent with me, in front of the TV, continuing to play with the seating chart, reading Indian history. And planning imaginary vacations for February and/or April.

Super 88 Market to be sold

This explains so much why Super 88 has sucked for the last year or so. Hopefully, Hong Kong Supermarkets will make it shopable again.

In other news, went to school (again) today to continue to organize my files. This, after talking to Brian at 8 a.m. -- 5 a.m. in San Fran -- as he gives me a nugget of the life of an ibanker. Oh my dear lord. Decided that it's ridiculous to be awake and functioning at 8:30. Went back to sleep until noon. Went to school.

Finally had a productive discussion with my English partner Scott about the new year -- especially his writing curriculum. I think we're on the same page for the most part. We're both pretty hard on homework and getting shit done, so that's good news. He teaches with the IQA (introduction, quotation, analysis) method, which is similar to the PEAL (purpose statement, evidence, analysis, link) method, so hopefully there will be less tweaking on my part on the writing front. Also a good thing that he is also a believer of the one-sentence thesis statement. Found it interesting -- and I like it, btw -- that he teaches body paragraphs first, rather than thesis writing. I think more kids should learn to write the bodies before the intro paragraph. He seems like an exciting teacher, so I'm optimistic about the new year.

Oh, yeah, and I am well aware of how good I have it. Scott also regaled me with some of the horror stories of teaching in New York City public schools. I'm sure my eyes look like they're about to pop out of their sockets. I know that I was definitely making a conscious effort to keep my mouth from hanging open. Seriously. Wow.

After I left school, I satisfied a craving for tortellini salad. :) Took a quick nap and then went to Panera to read more about Indian history. I'm now to the Vedic era, so progress is being made. Must make it through the Guptas soon.

yay for another productive day!

I love being busy!

At noon, went for a quick spa consultation from the waxing yesterday. All is well.

Afterward, went to school to organize my files. All my curriculum/lesson plans are in hanging folders, and it's really inconvenient to try to find things when you actually need them. So I spent a good two and a half hours just sorting through them, tossing stuff out and putting them into binders by unit. I only got through three units, but work is being done. Exhilarating!

At 4:30 p.m., headed to the Back Bay for my first haircut since ... Thanksgiving? I heart Shannon. This time, she trimmed my length by two inches, gave it subtle layers, and long, angled bangs. BANGS! I've never had bangs! And I love it! Side part + layers + bangs = awesome.

Went to the library, got "The Awakening" by Kate Chopin, which is on the juniors' English reading list, and went to read it at the Trident Bookseller/Cafe.

Another unexpected text at 11:30 p.m. What in the world is going on.

A great day, overall, though. :D

the countdown

Six more days until a new class of kids enter my classroom! Five more days until teachers return to school!

Today! Not as productive as yesterday, but pretty darn close.

First thing, woke up maybe a little too early so I can make it to my lip/brow waxing appointment. Definitely should've scheduled it for later in the day, though, because I was pretty much zonked out most of the afternoon. Like Christina said, I don't do "nothing" well. I need to be busy all the time.

Finally, around 6 p.m. or so, I decided I cannot just lounge in front of the TV all day or check the news/Facebook/Twitter all day ... and went to Panera with my laptop and book on Indian history. Surprisingly, I got SOME stuff done and read about ... four pages of Indian history. The book was a little denser than I thought it would be. I'm surprised that some of my students actually cited that book for their capstone paper last year. Bravo!

An unexpected e-mail tonight.

And (finally) getting a much-needed haircut tomorrow! I don't think I've had a cut since Thanksgiving (time, money), so I'm definitely overdue for one. It's getting really long and shaggy and growing past the bra strap. Also, it's starting to tangle, which makes pulling it into a ponytail for the gym a pain in the ass. Time for a trim. Two inches? I go to James Joseph Studio, and my stylist Shannon is the best.

a productive Monday

One more week!

Received an unexpected text at 11:25 a.m. Eek. Went to school today around 1:30 p.m. to clean up a storm. Wiped the sticky adhesive mess from tables and desks and moved around some furniture. Turns out I have a lot of junk in my drawers. Saw two of my former students today when they were wandering the halls. Chatted a bit with them and they asked about their new teachers. Couldn't tell them much because 1) I am new myself and 2) some of their teachers are new, too.

Forgot to mention that I bought plane tickets on a whim on Saturday. OK. Maybe not completely on a whim. I've been thinking about it for quite awhile, ever since I found out the district approved a four-day Labor Day weekend. I've been waffling about it because of finances, etc. But I feel a need to leave the city -- very close to the feeling I had last spring -- and decided to visit some peeps in L.A. Should be exciting!

a good Sunday ... for once

The day started pretty shittily as my emotions were at a low point, but after talking to a few friends, I gained MUCH better perspective on things. I'm glad to know that I have supportive friends in my times of need. You guys listened with incredible patience and told me like it is, and I appreciate (and needed!) the bluntness of what you said. So, a huge THANK YOU to the following people (in no particular order!):

* James Koren

* J. Christina Huh

* Kevin

* Kai

* Whitney

* Squash

* Bakul

* and Brian Lovett (for some much-needed special perspective. :))

Went to Panera Bread (tomorrow's destination, also, I think, after I go to school) to finish reading "Does My Head Look Big in This," the lovely, lovely summer reading book. Surprisingly, it's not as contrived as I thought it would be.

Gym did not happen today.

the week ahead

One more week until school starts! Again, I cannot wait. I've been playing around with the school's internal Web access and playing with my class rosters and seeing who are teaching my former students. So in the next week or so, I need to accomplish several things. Overall, I'm going to continue and finish committing my thoughts to paper just to finish the project, which is what it has now become. I still get bouts of melancholy, but when my emotions are not sadness and disappointment and regret, it is resentment and anger and sometimes embarrassment. UGH. This is so unlike me.

Anywho. Tomorrow is the start of a NEW WEEK!

Sunday:

* Go to cafe/coffeeshop/bookstore and read one of two summer reading books. Maybe I should start with the one I never finished reading last summer ... ever ... because it was just so bad.

* gym. Yes. The return to the gym after a week-long absence

Monday:

* Read the other summer reading book

* spinning at 6:45 p.m.

Tuesday:

* Go to school and clean and organize my desk. Everything's shifted from summer cleaning.

* possibly write the parent letter, possibly create a review sheet for summer reading books, now that I have read both of them

* gym

Wednesday:

* Go to cafe/coffeehouse/bookstore and read about India. I mean, I bought those books for a reason. Perhaps I will go crazy and take notes on the book. gasp.

* possibly dominating at trivia with Whitney

* haircut at 5:15 p.m.! it's about time. :D

* gym

Thursday:

* Continue reading about India. Maybe I'll live dangerously and move on to Hinduism.

* gym

Friday:

* no idea, but no gym.

Saturday:

* no idea, but last Saturday before the start of school, so definitely something good. :)

Sunday:

* might go have brunch, relax, enjoy the last day of summer like I actually never did. Again, summer is the worst season.

* pick out clothes casual-yet-professional teacher clothes to wear for the first day. No kids on Monday, so no need to bust out the super-professional-super-intimidating teacher look, but still ... and shoes. select shoes to match awesome outfit.

* set alarm clocks for 5:15 a.m., 5:30 a.m. and 6 a.m.

* swallow two Benadryls, take a sip of wine, sleep.

At some point during the week, I'll be meeting with Scott, my new English partner to talk about the year. We need to create a united front and know each other's classroom policies and whatnot. I am most interested in knowing how he teaches writing because it's such a big part of the curriculum.

Cafe Algiers

Last night, Kai and I went to try Cafe Algiers, this quiet little Middle Eastern coffeehouse/cafe in Harvard Square. I got the fried eggplant sandwich with summac. It was hearty, the pita was freshly grilled and, even though the insides kept squishing out, the salad/eggplant combo was awesome. The server was also super attentive and friendly. I wanna go back there soon! Don't remember the last I had Middle Eastern food ... years?

summer workshop Day 1

OK. After getting access to my class rosters LATE last night, I got excited/scared/freaked out with the prospect of returning to school. Mostly, it's excited/anxious, especially the latter when I realize how little I have actually done to prepare for the new school year. Guess it's a bad idea to waste the summer by pretending to do work, huh? Should've definitely started this whole to-do list thing with Christina way earlier. It would also save a lot of emotional turmoil. Grrrr.

In any case, the rational me is almost completely back. I would say 90 percent. I have almost achieved inner closure, if not face-to-face closure, and am in a much more stable frame of mind. That doesn't mean, though, that bad thoughts sometimes come into my head. But that's off the record, right, James?

Today, for the first time since June 25, I woke up to two alarms, set 15 minutes apart, and snoozed for 30 minutes. It was NOT a pleasant experience even though I've been harping about how I want to go back to school. And the workshop today started at 9! I only had to wake up at 7:30 a.m. at the latest. I am pretty sure I will NOT be OK with my 5:30 a.m. wakeup calls in a week and a half.

Day 1 of the summer workshop was a little jarring. I went from no education-speak for two weeks and am now suddenly thrust into world of philosophical discussions over the merit of posting homework assignments online and the pros and cons in using the point system versus the percentage system in calculating homework grades. That is just 45 minutes of the five-hour workshop and does not include discussions over common curriculum and skills students should acquire by the time they end their freshman year.

Finally met my English partner today! Nobody even told me of his hire or presence or anything. Is this how it goes for the second year? I only knew because I walked in and saw a new person and deduced that he must be the new English teacher and therefore must be my new partner.

Did not write as therapy today. Rather, looked into entering another profession altogether. A profession that I have absolutely no chance in getting into and, the more I read, little chance of being successful at.

Tomorrow is another day! Hopefully one with no irrational thoughts so I can put this chapter of my life behind me and put it in the "life experiences" column. Maybe I will even roll my eyes and laugh in a few months ... yeah, more like a few years. It has been a bittersweet summer, to say the least.

Wednesday

I lapsed! No list for Wednesday, but I pretty much parked myself at the Harvard Coop again and wrote for a good three total hours. This is not including the two hours (no joke) I spent just staring off into space, lost in random thoughts. And the hour finishing reading the book. First thing this morning, though, I trekked to Government Center/Downtown Crossing to a coffee shop with wifi (because seriously, I need my daytime access to Internet even though I'm going to be lost in my thoughts), but there were no outlets! I'm going to echo Christina's post here -- but what is the point of providing free wifi if the place doesn't have electrical outlets? It certainly is NOT because of crowd control because there was literally five people in the cavern of a sandwich cafe. So off to Harvard I go. I would use the free Harvard Square wifi, but the wimp in me would prefer to have no Internet in an air-conditioned cafe than to have Internet and die of heat stroke.

Major improvement Wednesday, though. I might have made a breakthrough. :D I think I am definitely gaining some perspective ... maybe it's also because I am SO psyched about school starting again?

Whitney, Dave, Tom and I did trivia again Wednesday night with Dave's friend Justin. We came in fourth place! Our group's highest finish yet. :) It's good not to be holed up with one's thoughts too long.

I am grateful for supportive friends. Love you guys!

Tuesday

To do:

* continue with positive thoughts. be strong. You can do it.

* commit thoughts to paper/e-paper by going to the library or someplace quiet to type.

* movie with Whitney!

* finish reading required chapters in "The Art and Science of Teaching"

* Netflix

***

Positive thoughts. Be strong. Easier said than done, but I'm making strides. If I actively seek to do things that will occupy my thoughts, I find that I am less melancholy.

Committing thoughts to paper. I went to the Harvard Coop and wrote quite a bit. It's therapeutic to write things down in a concrete manner. It also gives me some perspective and, hopefully in the future, some emotional distance.

Movie with Whitney. We went to see "Ponyo" at the Boston Common theater. It was cute! I went in knowing very little about it and was glad to see it. It was a matinee, so there were plenty of parents with kids. A good experience! Whitney and I then walked over to Downtown Crossing for a late lunch and talk. I thought I should explain why I was a little distracted at trivia last week. Was relieved that she understood and listened to my story. :)

Reading the last chapter of "The Art and Science of Teaching" did not happen. I was too preoccupied with staring off into space and writing to be focused enough to take words IN.

Monday recap

* commit more thought to paper/e-paper.

* spinning, if time permits

* movie with Kai

* read one more chapter of "The Art and Science of Teaching"

* think positive thoughts. be strong. don't over-think. don't over-analyze.

Yup. You saw it right. After writing until 4:44 a.m. last night/this morning, I woke up at 9 all on my own (trust me. I am NOT OK with this.). That means I only got four hours of sleep.

Today was hard. Combined with the lack of sleep, I kept feeling this strange fainting/dizzy sensation like when I did when I was a kid. It's almost a sensation of almost-blackout/fainting. It's a little clammy on the arms, the cheeks and down my back. This happened during the movie ("Julie and Julia") with Kai and when I was sitting down in front of the desk or on the couch watching CSI.

"Julie and Julia" wasn't that great, I thought. Julie Powell was annoying, and Meryl Streep overdid the accent. It was also a bit long.

I tried to be strong today. I spent way less time worrying and waiting for the phone to ring because I know that it will not. The setting of "Julie and Julia" made me incredibly sad, though, and I was kinda in a funk after the movie. I talked to James about the situation and had a cathartic, good (SMALL) cry. Real tears. If you know me, you know that I DO NOT CRY. So this is big. It was great to let out the bottled up emotions and to just let it go. When was the last time I cried? James claims it was the the last DT banquet. Really?!

Today, I begin the process of letting go. Talking to Kai really helped me gain perspective. This is not the end of the road. I will be strong.

Monday's list!

It's been a week since J. Christina and I started this thing!

for Monday:

* commit more thought to paper/e-paper.

* spinning, if time permits

* movie with Kai

* read one more chapter of "The Art and Science of Teaching"

* think positive thoughts. be strong. don't over-think. don't over-analyze.

weekend recap

* cello, for crying out loud

* yoga (optional, because, again, last Saturday and Sunday's sessions were both pretty unfulfilling)

* read two chapters in "The Art and Science of Teaching" to prep for the summer workshop on Thursday and Friday

* sweep and mop the room

* commit thoughts to paper/e-paper :)

Cello. Clearly, it is still sitting on the dining table, waiting for action on my part.

Yoga. I went on to Sunday's session because I wasn't feeling Saturday's teacher. So no gym on Saturday. The teacher today was quirky. Talkative, funny. Good about adjusting positions. Tried to get us to do with this crazy handstand move. THAT did not happen.

I read THREE chapters of "The Art and Science of Teaching." Three more to go!

I did not clean. It is too hot to clean!

Commit thoughts to paper/e-paper. I just finished doing that with tonight's dinner. It was cathartic, and I'm in a much better place, mentally. What I wrote tonight took about three hours. I have a feeling that the other thoughts-on-paper will not be so thorough because the memory is not as fresh. But at least I feel a release. :) Thanks, Kevin!

I also saw "(500) Days of Summer" tonight in a bid to leave to apartment and do something so I'm not so bored all the time. I liked the movie. It's not as lovey dovey as I expected it to be, and I'm glad. I think it portrays love as close to reality as a movie can. The ending was cute.

Saturday (and Sunday?) list

This list might be applicable for the whole weekend.

* cello, for crying out loud

* yoga (optional, because, again, last Saturday and Sunday's sessions were both pretty unfulfilling)

* read two chapters in "The Art and Science of Teaching" to prep for the summer workshop on Thursday and Friday

* sweep and mop the room

* commit thoughts to paper/e-paper :)

We'll see how we do!

Thursday/Friday

Thursday/Friday recap:

* think positive thoughts!

* cello! I need to play "May Song" at least three times through and not just half-assed. Actually play it to make it better. The slurring and the bowings are really hard, but seriously, must rise to the occasion.

* gym

*rubric (sigh)

I DID think positive thoughts for a good stretch there. So it's a partial check. I was telling Kevin about this list thing and suggested that I write my thoughts in a letter because that will force me to look on the bright side. I swear, this is so unlike me to be so down that I might do this. Also, I need to write everything out and just let my thoughts flow out of my system. I worry too much! Ugh.

Cello. My long lost friend. Every time I leave my room, there you are, begging to be played. The smoothness of the bow pulled across the deep, melodic G string. Yup. Didn't happen. Tomorrow!

I did go to the gym on Thursday, though. It was a strength training day, so I'm still a little stiff. But it's a great feeling. I like!

And guess what? The rubric is DONE DONE DONE! Turns out, it wasn't as hard as I had imagined. After procrastinating for five days, it actually only took me an additional two hours to complete, format and polish. I might have done a little rubric dance when I sent the finished product to myself just in case the file crashes for some reason. So exciting! :D

In other news, I just saw For Love of the Game on TV without realizing that it's not just a baseball movie -- it's a ROMANTIC baseball movie. Movies should not sneak up on people like that! Can't believe I got semi-emotional over a baseball movie ... ew.

for Thursday/Friday

On to Thursday and Friday!

* think positive thoughts!

* cello! I need to play "May Song" at least three times through and not just half-assed. Actually play it to make it better. The slurring and the bowings are really hard, but seriously, must rise to the occasion.

* gym

* rubric (sigh)

Included Friday because, well, ya gotta be realistic here. :D

list for Wednesday

Somewhere in my apartment building, a smoke alarm has been blaring for (no joke) the last hour or so. Because it's summer, everyone's windows are open, so pretty much the whole block can hear it. Usually, the alarm stops within 30 minutes, so I wonder if it's coming from one of the vacant units.

Today has been a fairly good day. Practicing cello, while never really "fun," was definitely therapeutic and relaxing. It calmed me down. Cello, some afternoon CSI -- good stuff! A little "This American Life," a little "Meet the Press." :D

You can tell when summer vacation is ending and school is starting again by the inbox. I've been checking it every few weeks or so, but have amped it up in the last week. Today, three red flags popped up when there used to be none. Mail! Glorious mail! Discussed furniture arrangement for the classroom with my classroom roommate and potential tweaks to the way we teach the major religions. School is starting soon! Hooray!

On to Wednesday's list!

* the saga continues: finish and polish the rubric. Should I even bother putting this on the list anymore?

* sweep and mop. Here's the problem, it's too damn hot to do housework. I spent NINE HOURS last Wednesday cleaning out my closet and was completely gross at the end of the marathon because it was so hot in the apartment. I'm not sure if I'm up for even the lightest of housework.

* gym

* TRIVIA NIGHT with Whitney and Dave! I believe there will be sangria/drink before then. :D

Sometime this week, I'll have to bring myself to reread "Siddhartha" to refresh my memory.

---

Wednesday recap:

* the saga continues: finish and polish the rubric. Should I even bother putting this on the list anymore?

* sweep and mop. Here's the problem, it's too damn hot to do housework. I spent NINE HOURS last Wednesday cleaning out my closet and was completely gross at the end of the marathon because it was so hot in the apartment. I'm not sure if I'm up for even the lightest of housework.

* gym

* TRIVIA NIGHT with Whitney and Dave! I believe there will be sangria/drink before then. :D

It seems that I have been going to the gym consistently now. :) Trivia night was awesome, as usual. Some tricky questions that we should've gone with the simple answers but instead chose the less obvious. I think our team ended up somewhere in the middle, score-wise. It was a mixed-bag of a day. It started out great, but I felt a little down in the afternoon and went to the gym to distract myself. The night ended with trivia. :)

list for Tuesday

Monday didn't go well. It was a shit-tastic day. There was the physical problems (sick to stomach and lack of sleep) and the emotional turmoil that never really went away. For some reason, I just felt really glum today, even after I took a four-hour nap to make up my sleep debt. I think I just need to go back to school. Clearly, this summer vacation thing is not working out.

My anxiety and inner turmoil got bad enough for me to just leave the apartment and go for a drive. So from about 10:45 p.m. until about 12:45 a.m., I went from Brighton to Fenway/downtown (bad plan, the game just got out) to Cambridge/Memorial Drive. Then Lexington center and took Mass. Ave. all the way from Lexington to Harvard, took Storrow Drive on a roundabout way to get home via downtown/Fenway/Brookline. It felt great to sing out my frustrations in a car and to have a quiet moment to think and zone out. What I ended up with is a series of positive thoughts and what I am thankful for. Mostly, it's Christina and James for listening to my problems with patience, understanding and humor. During the drive, my mind drifted a lot of happy memories (yay!) that eased some of my insecurities and anxieties. Spinning class was exhilarating (read: I will be in pain tomorrow) -- it was a great combo of sequences and music! And c'mon! This morning, because I couldn't sleep, I got to see a beautiful sunrise (lavender, orange, blue) over the Charles River. Life can only be good when the day starts like that!

But, geez. This is so unlike me to be so glum for so long. Not to mention to be so anxious and insecure without real cause. I want the true me back! :(

On to Tuesday's list!

* continue with rubric assignment. Finish and polish.

* sweep and mop the room

* cello (I think even exercises like practicing my arm levels and scales will make everything better. Playing music makes everything better.)

* gym (either yoga at 5:15 or cardio whenever)

-----

Tuesday's list!

* continue with rubric assignment. Finish and polish.

* sweep and mop the room

* cello (I think even exercises like practicing my arm levels and scales will make everything better. Playing music makes everything better.)

* gym (either yoga at 5:15 or cardio whenever)

Clearly, procrastination is a bitch. On the bright side, cello did make things better. Therapeutic. I might even be up for a cello lesson in the next week or so. Gasp! I ended up doing yoga instead of cardio because I figured that I had spinning yesterday. I was kinda regretting it on the way to the gym, but turns out the yoga class was Level 2 Vinyasa yoga, so it was way intense. I don't remember the last time I had to stay in plank or downward facing dog or a lunge for so long. Felt a fantastic stretch toward the end with the pigeon, though. So great yoga today. :)

list for Monday

I'm feeling slightly sick to my stomach right now (about 10:30 a.m.). Not sure if it's the lack of sleep (couldn't make myself fall asleep last night. I hate it when that happens. Didn't actually fall asleep until around 6. Woke up at 9.) or if it's some subconscious emotional turmoil. I'm also a little frustrated and angry at myself, so ... anyway.

today's list:

* finish the rubric assignment

* sweep and mop the room

* spinning at 6:45 p.m. (Not sure if this will happen ... depending on how I feel later today)

* practice cello

----

For reasons I will explain in my next post, I got very little done today. I felt better enough by the evening to go to spinning class.

today's list:

* finish the rubric assignment

* sweep and mop the room

* spinning at 6:45 p.m. (Not sure if this will happen ... depending on how I feel later today)

* practice cello

list for Sunday

J. Christina and I are going to keep each other accountable for our daily goals.

So the rules are:
1. We both post our to-do lists either the night before or the day of.
2. At the end of each day, we'll repost the to-do lists with what we got done crossed out.

Here is my list for Sunday.

* start and finish rubric assignment

* sweep and mop the room

* yoga at 3 p.m.

* practice cello

---

Sunday recap:

* start and finish rubric assignment

* sweep and mop the room

* yoga at 3 p.m.

* practice cello

I am halfway done with my rubric assignment; it's harder than expected. Yoga was unfulfilling.

trying to be busy

There are three weeks left until the start of school, and I cannot be happier about it. Don't get me wrong, I love vacation, but I've had my fill of it by Week 3.

This is also the first summer since high school when I wasn't working in some capacity. Summer after high school, it was waiting tables at Applebee's. Every summer in college, it was newspaper internships. Summer after college, it was grad school and Ann Taylor. The one after that, Miami Herald. And the last summer, Boston Globe. So I've been gainfully employed every summer for the past few years. Except this year. And I am bored out of my gourd.

The first few weeks was fun. My body clock slowly adjusted to not waking up at 5:30 without an alarm. I checked my work e-mail once every few days in case something happens (see below). I read "Ethan Frome," which has been languishing on my Amazon reading list. I bought my second copy of "Twelfth Night" and am churning away at that. I had a fantastic cello lesson because I actually had time to practice all my pieces. As you can see, I have returned to blogging for myself, not just for my students.

I went home for two weeks, and that was when extreme boredom sets in. And as James and Christina can attest, it is no good when Julie is bored. In my two weeks at home, I baked a lot of blueberry and assorted blueberry-inspired pies. I read many a Wikipedia article, ranging from the tallest buildings in Boston to the Empire of Japan and the histories of China and Taiwan to members of the Tudor dynasty, when I started watching "The Tudors" on my Netflix Watch Instantly. Of course, I have also read random Wikipedia articles. I also went to my parent's gym daily. I have to say, it's weird to go to a coed gym when your gym is women-only. I feel a lot more self-conscious about even walking in the free-weights area and a lot of more conscious about how fast or how long I run. Random Urban Dictionary articles at 2 a.m. was a fun experience, too. SportsCenter (which seemed to always be on) and afternoon episodes of CSI and CSI: NY also sustained me. Part of the reason for the boredom, I think, is because my sister wasn't also home; she usually is when I am. So it was just me, mom and dad. Is this what it's like to be an only child? I am grateful to have a sibling. :) Love ya, Amez!

Since I've returned to Boston, things have been a lot better. I feel freer, but I am still bored. The increased gym participation continues. I returned to yoga class today for the first time in almost a year. I finished reading "Brick Lane" early Thursday morning, when I stayed up till 4:30 a.m.

Someone asked me on Monday what my life centers around. Maybe it's because we were just discussing my first unit of the school year, but my first reaction and what I said was, "My students. Because I would be bereft without them." Since then, the more I think about it, the more my answer troubles me. While it true that "school" does not seem like "work" to me, it is what I do for a living. So essentially, with my answer, I am saying that my life centers around my work, and I don't think that's true. And this is why it's important to point out how I spent my last summers because I am now realizing how important it is for me to keep busy. Even though I enjoy teaching and find it challenging every day, my friends and family are also important. Family, that's standard, but friendship, I value. I'm the kind of person who holds close friends near and dear. So the more I think about my answer, I think it's the wrong answer.

With three weeks left of summer, I actually have real work to do to prepare for the school year. I have to reread the students' summer reading so I can know what I am talking about (again). I am attending a summer workshop on the transition to high school life in a few weeks. And my department chair volunteered me to the take-home summer workshop on writing a rubric for a pre-existing subject-area assignment. I also need to revise the formatting and other basics of the freshman research project. And bone up on my India/Hinduism/Buddhism, which is the first unit.

So, I actually have work to do for the next three weeks. :) To-do list, coming right up!

cute skirt!

Bought a great skirt at Marshall's today after I now-nearly-daily trips to Borders at either Copley or Downtown Crossing because my apartment is just too damn hot. I bring my book (currently "Brick Lane" by Monica Ali, bought at the Boston Public Library's book sale on Saturday for $.50) and make myself comfortable in one of the couches. If Downtown Crossing, I get a great view from the second floor window of the statues in the little plaza below. It's great people watching when I take a break from the book. If Copley, I can sit at the coffee shop and read or snuggle in one of the couches, but no view.

Anyway, after Borders today, I went across the street to the Marshall's and found this cute skirt -- but I have no clue what to wear with it! You can't see it from the picture, but the top part is pale yellow with green and brown polka-dots. :)

summer saviour

I left my red desk fan in my filing cabinet at school and have been regretting it for about two days now. Problems solved with my silver-framed saviour. You can't see it, but the blades were definitely spinning. Life is so much better.

by request: bacon pineapple fried rice

My mom's recipe. By request from James. My mom makes this with Taiwanese sausages, which you can buy from basically any self-respecting Chinese grocery store.

Speaking of Asian grocery stores, the Super 88 Market in Allston/Brighton has officially lost my loyalty. I've noticed that starting with their renovation around last winter, its supplies has been dwindling significantly. We're talking about less and less selection of oils, brands of popular supplies (like soy sauce, for cryin' out loud) and just choice of basic necessities. The new store looks great, by the way, and I wasn't fazed when I couldn't find any New Year's cake on New Year's eve -- I mean, it's to be expected when one procrastinates. However, a few weeks ago, I went in search of two -- again, BASIC -- items: sesame oil and a 5 pound bag of rice. I left empty-handed. Why, you ask? Because there was no sesame oil to be bought, and only about five or six 25 pound bags of rice to be seen in the store's alcove of rice. Also since the renovation, Super 88 has drastically reduced the brands of dumplings they carry -- in fact, from about three or four different brands to just one. I have not returned to the market since. The food court, though, is still full of deliciousness.

After leaving frustrated and annoyed, I went to John's Market in Allston/Brighton and procured the necessary items plus awesome kimchi. The proprietor is super nice. :) He even gave me a free can of iced coffee (!), which I deperately needed after a long day at school. Does he do this for everyone? Or did I fake being Korean really well? Maybe he just recognized an awesome dudette when he saw one? I kid! :)

Back to the recipe. Again, Taiwanese sausage is best, but bacon will do. If you use the sausage, you might need to put in a little oil before adding the rice. If using the bacon, the fat rendered should be good. Off we go!

BACON PINEAPPLE FRIED RICE

ingredients:

* 1/2 package of bacon OR 1/2 package of Taiwanese sausage, sliced

* small can of chunky or crushed pineapples or 1/2 regular can, drained

* 1 cup of steamed white rice, best if on the dry side (but cooked through! none of the this crunchy-grain business. ew.)

* 1/2 diced onions, if desired

salt

pepper

procedure:

* in large frying pan, saute meat until fat is rendered and meat is slightly burned

* add pineapples (and onions) and cook for about a minute

* add rice and incorporate bacon/sausage and pineapples. It helps if you get the rice sit for a little while to soak in the grease (!) before flipping it around

* salt and pepper to taste

six pies for dad!

Dad loved my pies and requested more for upcoming breakfasts and snacks! So I made six pies, one to eat and five to freeze for later. Three blueberry/strawberry and three blueberry/strawberry/peach. Hope pies freeze well ... Pics!

This one is the blueberry/strawberry/peach. See the chunk of peace sticking out? I changed brands of pie crust this time -- Pillsbury (cheaper) -- but am not sure if I like it. One of the crust dough was already separated between the bottom and the sides.

The six pies! Left, the ones with peach. More golden brown this time. Figured out that I needed to take the foil/rice out of the pies and continue baking until golden brown. Also, the Pillsbury doesn't smell as good coming out of the oven as the Mrs. Smith.

my very first blueberry pie!

The family and I went blueberry picking on Saturday! It was pretty fantastic, if one overlooks the incredible heat and humidity in the fields. I've forgotten how nice people can be in the South. So Sunday was a pie-making day!

This basket was full when we got home. The other half is in the fridge.

Four cups of blueberries!

Pie crust ... courtesy of Mrs. Smith

lemon juice, sugar, corn starch.

boiling blueberries! I love it when they pop!

finished product ... so shiny

made one the next day with a nectarine.

Four-flavor Shrimp

There were some awesome shrimp at Super 88 yesterday, so I bought a pound, thinking that I can make it with into a noodle soup or saute with vegetables. But no! I had a better idea! My mom makes these amazing garlic shrimp ... mmm ... this is a variation. No pictures, sorry, but it looked great! :)

This will be enough for about 2-3 people.

Ingredients:

1/2 cup of chopped garlic, fresh or jarred

3-4 Thai red chillies ... or any chilli

salt

pepper

basil optional

vegetable oil

1 pound of shrimp with heads on

Wok or large saute pan

Procedure:

* using a pair of scissors, trim the whiskers off the shrimp

* heat about 2 Tbp of oil in wok or pan

* add garlic and chillies and stir until they get their aroma out (1 minute?)

* add shrimp and cook until done (red and slightly curled)

* add salt and pepper to taste

* add basil if desired :)

so it's been a little while ...

In fact, I don't believe I have written in this thing since I've started teaching in earnest ... in September? (edit: OK. I am wrong. Since July 28. Holy cow.) Well, lots of things have happened since then, and it's too much to go into detail, but I will try to recap. Here we go.

Rest of summer ...

Ended the internship at the Globe on Aug. 29, which also ended the week of overlap where I worked two full-time jobs -- the high school and the newspaper. Leave for work in the morning at 6:30 and haul my ass to Dorchester in hopes of not hitting traffic. Sneak a nap in the Globe parking lot (hoping not to get caught). Copy edit until midnight or so, get home around 12:30, sleep, wake up, repeat. Thankfully, Monday was a teacher workday (no kids), and Friday was Labor Day break. So only three days of real overlap. But still. Whew.

In the fall ...

* School started in September and moved in to the new place on Sept. 1 to the news that school the next day (Tuesday) had been canceled. This is new-teacher hazing? No, no, it is not. The boiler room flooded in the school and we would not have school for the next three days. School resumed that Friday. Talk about screwing with momentum.

* Constant overwhelmed feeling in the beginning. For the first two weeks or so, I've had to literally pinch myself to remind myself that I am really a teacher and am responsible for some kids' knowledge of world history. It was a scary feeling. Still is.

* Homecoming trip to L.A. and hung out with the gang. So great to be all together once again! Thanksgiving at Jen and Ravi's place. Really good turkey.

* Started tutoring in earnest in AP U.S. and world history I. Attended a Christmas party the mom threw. A little awkward, but pretty good fun. :)

* Went home for Christmas. School didn't let off until the 23rd, and I will never fly Delta again. Broke up with the boyfriend. It is true.

In the spring ...

* Took up cello again. But the practicing, as with piano before, does not come easily. Especially because I have way less time now.

* Started fantasizing about potential vacations during February break, but nothing came to fruition. Basically because I need to save money and because I spent February break holed up in various coffee shops around Boston and the western suburbs for hours at a time. But still only finished the Rome/Byzantine tests, not the Rome essays. Those didn't get done until last weekend, when I forced myself to face the music. I estimate that 70 percent of my teaching time is actually spent grading. The other stuff is planning and e-mails and students coming in for help.

* Was the bearer of bad and good news at the end of February/early March when I started having individual conversations with students about course selection for the sophomore year. One almost-tear, a few argumentative, a few disappointments, a lot of appeal forms.

* Have been tutoring a lot more, which is good because it is basically paying my student loans.

* Co-hosted my first dinner party with Whitney at my apartment. It was less awkward than I expected, which is good! I'd say it was a success. Pictures to come.

I am now planning my summer. I want to take some classes offered through Primary Source, an institute that offers professional development opportunities to history teachers that also potentially fund trips to worldwide destinations. In the immediate future, though, I am thinking about April plans (imaginary vacations), Amy's graduation, maybe a trip to Chicago (my first time!) and taking classes at Harvard Extension in the fall.

My next unit is Islam and the Muslim empires, so I am reading, learning and researching. If anyone has any suggestions, send them my way!

I am also fulfilling one of my life dreams tomorrow ... proctoring the SATs! I am super excited. My consolation is that Roanne, one of the English teachers at the school, is just as nerdly excited as me. :)