the first day

As predicted, the first day was full of meetings -- three, in fact. The district-wide meeting was an hour and a half long, the department meeting was 45 minutes long, and the faculty meeting was an hour long. Shoot me. Shoot me now. I wonder if the dean saw me doing the crossword puzzle during the district-wide meeting.

I also got my packet of IEPs (individualized education plans) from my SPED (special education) liaison today. I've never worked with her before, and so far, I'm impressed with her initiative -- at least in getting information to Scott and me. Last year, it was well into the middle of September until I had even the first IEP in my hands and even then, the rest came in trickles. So a whole package with ALL the IEPs was a very, very nice surprise.

The IEPs themselves, however, was another story. I can't legally disclose what's all in it, but suffice it say, I feel overwhelmed already, and I don't even see the kids until tomorrow.

Where is the old me? Because I want her back. ASAP. Where is the me who is upbeat, positive (if realistic), clear-minded, confident and self-assured? When did I let school, other people and outside forces overwhelm me, depress me, loath me. When did I become the person who wallows, cries and covers my face with my hands in disgust at my actions and thoughts? Since when do I ever talk to myself in an empty car to psych myself up about life's events?

Who I am at this moment is not me, and I want the old me back.